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When once you start to irrigate,
certain things can irritate.
There’s one specific thing I’ll share
that’s got to be my worst nightmare.
For those of you who do not know
how hard and fast can be the flow.
Think of a loose, high pressure hose,
it’s very much like one of those.
There is no drama or ordeal,
if flange and skin have a good seal.
There’s nothing nasty to convey,
as all the mess gets flushed away.
If it were not for the bag,
the mess would be an dreadful drag.
Occasionally the seal will break,
then you’re left in water’s wake.
There’s very little you can do,
when shit is spurting over you.
It’s very hard to comprehend,
exactly when this thing will end.
For whilst I panic and I’m soaked,
with the smell I’m also choked.
As I get covered head to toe,
it seems there is nowhere to go.
I feel myself become compost
and all my dignity is lost.
I’m just one great big heap of shit
and I just cannot cope with it.
I think that things cannot get worse
as I start to swear and curse.
Then when I’m trying to lay blame,
it stops as sudden as it came.
I tell myself I will not cower,
as I jump into the shower.
I’ll treat this inconvenience
as part of life’s experience.
Reproduced by kind permission of Bill Withers.
AN IRRIGATOR’S IRRITANT
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